Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come

 

Every once in awhile, a book comes along that you weren't looking for and didn't know you needed in your life. This was one of those books for me. The author, Jessica Pan, a life-long socially anxious, shy introvert (or "shintrovert" as she calls herself) decides to take stock of her life after all her more extroverted close friends move away, and she sees all the opportunities that keep opening up for them. Left to decide whether she wants her life to be "bigger" or stay safe hiding behind the walls of her introversion, she decides to go on a year-long quest to live her life like an extrovert and seek out or embrace opportunities that she would normally avoid. This leads her to getting help from a number of experts along the way, who give her the philosophies and framework she needs to pursue each of her new adventures, which include: talking to complete strangers, taking improv classes, going to job networking events, joining a friendship "dating" app, travelling alone, doing stand up comedy, and hosting a Thanksgiving dinner party for a ragtag group of relatively new friends. You know ... the stuff of nightmares for most introverts. Along the way, the author discovers that there are aspects of extroversion that she can incorporate into her life that actually make life more enjoyable for her, without rejecting her natural identity as an introvert.

If you're an introvert, like me, the very thought of doing some of the things she did during her year-long experiment will make you break out into a cold-sweat or stare at the pages in horror, as if someone just told you that the only way to happiness was to stand on a street corner naked, while singing your favorite song. (Be assured - at no point does singing nude in public ever enter the conversation.) This book will challenge you, though, and likely make you uncomfortable at times, if social anxiety is an issue for you, or if you interpret the author's intent as saying introversion is bad and you won't be happy until you learn to be an extrovert. The thing I ultimately liked about the book is that Ms. Pan isn't encouraging readers to lose their identity as introverts and become something they're not. That's generally something we're born with, and we should embrace all the unique qualities and strengths that come with it. What she is saying, is that we all have room to grow if we want to, and sometimes that involves thinking outside the box of limits we impose on ourselves by saying, "this is just who I am". The reverse could equally be applied to extroverts who might find that there's as much fulfillment in one or two close, intimate friendships or an occasional quiet, reflective night at home, as there is in a crowded music venue or a social media account overflowing with friends and followers. The author challenged herself to try new things, and through it, opened her life to new friendships and opportunities she might otherwise not have experienced. For those who might be grappling with loneliness or a sense that there's more to life they might want to experience, this may be just the motivation you need to challenge your assumptions about yourself and embrace new things - even if it scares you a little.

★★★★ ½