Counterfeit Dreams

For the most part, I liked this book and found Jefferson Hawkins' story to be an insightful journey through his 35 years in, and eventual departure from, Scientology. He's intelligent and well-spoken, with a great memory for details, considering how many years his story spanned, and he covers his experiences more than adequately. It's the second book I've read from someone who left it - the other being Beyond Belief: My Secret Life Inside Scientology and My Harrowing Escape by Jenna Miscavige Hill - and I found it to be equally troubling. For an organization fraught with secrecy, it's fascinating to get a window in on this mysterious world from ex-members now free to remove the veil.

Now, in no way am I saying I felt less sympathetic to Mr. Hawkins' experience - I suspect there's no narrative of someone leaving Scientology that I wouldn't be horrified by in some way - it's just that it was easier for me to feel the pain of Ms. Miscavige Hill's experience than it was for me to feel his in this book. Perhaps it was easier because she's the niece of Scientology's current leader, David Miscavige, and was brought up in the "religion" (no disrespect intended, but I seriously can't say that without quotes), and didn't exactly choose it for herself, as opposed to Mr. Hawkins zealously and idealistically pursuing it, beginning as a young adult. Also, whether it's due to him spending decades in an oppressive and abusive organization that frowns on healthy emotional expression, it's just his personality, or it's a weakness on my part in seeing the story from a male point of view - it was still harder to really connect with his feelings, despite all his efforts to communicate them.

I guess because he spends so much of the narrative talking about the various jobs he did for Scientology, it can read a bit more like a very long resumé enhanced with notes about the terrible behavior of co-workers and management while in those positions. There's nothing wrong with that, as each job had its own insights into both the good and truly awful encounters he had within Scientology - it's just that it rarely leaves the workplace, and unless you would want to hear anyone regale you with decades of their negative work experiences - you might find it a little exhausting in its repetitiveness. Ironically, it was this endlessly driven, hostile work environment that largely ushered him out the door of the organization. Trust me - you don't know how good you have it at work until you read this book. Listening to his workplace anecdotes of next-level, amped-up, occasionally psychotic encounters with co-workers and leadership made me want to go into work tomorrow and hug all my co-workers and thank my boss for being so cool.

On a positive note, no matter how misled one might find the people who practice Scientology, Mr. Hawkins certainly illustrates how many kind, thoughtful people he encountered and befriended during his long journey, many of whom he still considers friends, whether they also left or remain in it. He does a great job of reminding readers that individuals' behavior while in the organization was often the result of the toxic atmosphere of fear and negativity, largely cultivated and bred in others by their megalomaniacal leader, David Miscavige, and not usually reflective of who they were once they left. It may not have been his primary intention in writing it, but his book certainly serves as a somber warning as to how the culture we're immersed in can disfigure our personalities and motivations. That has much broader applications than just targeting people who follow Scientology.

Anyways, overall a good book - quite a few proofreading errors aside - and worth a read.

★★★ 

You can find this and all my other reviews at: https://www.goodreads.com/curious-kat